The 11th House

Welcome to the 11th House. The number 11 signifies the completion of one life cycle. The gift of truth and clarity is symbolized by this number. At the 11th House, we can manifest our destinies as we embark on the journey of the spirit warrior. The root of all evil is ignorance...but perhaps with open dialogue, a bit of insight, and loving-kindness we can alleviate the pain of a broken spirit or disturbed mind.

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Location: Hong Kong, Southeast Asia, Hong Kong

Michele is a 36 year-old journalist and the author of "Rotten Jellybeans", a semi-autobiographical collection of short stories and essays. Her book is available at Amazon.com and Chipmunkapublishing.co.uk. She has had two short stories published in "Love and Lust in Singapore". You can view samples of Michele's published articles at www.michelekohmorollo.com

Friday, October 13, 2006

The Narrowing Road

I have heard it said that when one embarks on the spiritual life, the road gets narrower and narrower. The difference between a person who chooses hedonism and a person who chooses right living is conscience. When I was younger, my sole purpose in life was to extract as much pleasure from it as possible. And I had a whale of a time to boot! I felt like the master of the universe, the sculptor of my own destiny. The road was wide and I was almost paralyzed by the array of career and romantic choices that presented themselves. I smoked two packets of cigarettes a day, took prescription drugs every night, took street drugs on the weekends, drank copious amounts of alcohol, ate whatever I wanted, slept with whoever I wanted, didn’t do my homework in school and never got a full time job. I slept in till 3pm on weekdays, traveled as and when I wanted, for romance and adventure. And I borrowed money from my parents to support this lifestyle. I could talk myself out of anything. I was young, I was arrogant and I was blissfully ignorant of consequences. But that wide and golden road was covered with land mines and no matter how fast and furiously I plodded I kept banging my head against walls and dead ends. I got tired. My heart got bruised. My brain got fried. I could have all the fun stuff a girl could want. A life of glamour and excitement; pretty clothes, pretty boys, famous friends, exclusive parties, exotic holidays, free drinks and drugs. I surrounded myself with people who appeared to love me. It’s easy to feel as if the whole world approves of you when you are constantly getting drunk on yourself. I fell in love with myself. Or rather the image of myself that I had created through drugs and alcohol. I had enough to make others envious, I had more on my plate than I could swallow but all I wanted to do was die. But today, I am free from the desire to end my life. I am free from many other things, but still slave to some. I am not a born again Christian or Buddhist or anything. I have simply had an awakening of sorts. I have come to realize that a life of pleasure and the accumulation of worldly kudos, be it career or romantic merit, is futile. Because the nature of pleasure and success is impermanence. Pleasure is not loyal, achievement is not constant and both are avaricious. They expect to be fed constantly. The seeker of selfish pleasures will have to pay his pound of flesh in full eventually. In opposition to a life of hedonism is a life of self-restraint, a life of communion with the transcendental - Him whom I have come to know as God. However, for a novice like myself, this life is grueling. It requires me to act with blind faith. To jump into a lake, though I know not how to swim. And as I travel along this simple road, more becomes clear. God and my conscience become one. I am no longer spitting and hissing at the voice of reason within me like I used to in the past. However, there are many carnal pleasures and perversions– casual sex, drinking, drugging, smoking, overeating, stealing, cursing, fighting, bullying, gossiping, lying, overspending, revelry and being bone idle – that I can no longer partake of with impunity. And I do miss doing these things! My very basic drive is to indulge myself, to defile all things pure and sacred, to hurt other people, to take all their goodies for myself. To watch them suffer, to be brutal and to mock and tease and to seek and feel pleasure in every neuron, every cell of my being 24 hours a day. 48 hours a day if possible! I like doing things that are bad for me. But I can’t. Along with a conscience comes the gift and burden of awareness. I now know that I cannot do the things that give me that particular brand of wicked pleasure. I cannot be ruthless, lascivious or lazy. I cannot hurt people and expect not to be hurt in return. I can no longer sweep all my sins under the carpet and pretend that it’s ok. I know that karmic laws exist and apply to all human beings, no matter how wealthy, beautiful, gifted or intelligent. God and karma will give you what you deserve, so if you feel you are more fortunate than most of your contemporaries, you had better do more work at being good. You had better give something back to humanity. One thing great about walking on a narrow beam is that your sense of emotional and psychological balance starts to improve. Also, you are not swaying from one side of the yellow brick road to the other or making detours to ask Scarecrow, Tin Man or Lion for directions or approval. Your eyes are focused on putting one foot in front of the other and you learn to trust the compass which is your soul. Copyright 2006, Michele Koh

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