A Free Pen & Pissed Off-ed Men

I had just spent 2 days creating a CVS file with all the names and email addresses of people whom I would like to invite to read this blog. I spent time and effort writing a letter explaining the gist of this site. It was hard work filing, organizing and doing this database and when I finally sent the generic letter out to the 200 odd email addresses on the list, I felt a sense of achievement. But within half an hour, I received an email from one of the recipients, saying: “Michele, why the capital letters do you really want to shout?” I shrank to about 100 times my normal size. I suddenly felt ashamed and worried that I was blowing my own horn. I started going through all my postings to see if anything I wrote came across as bragging. I felt like someone had accused me of launching a self-promotion campaign. I felt like a spammer and a telemarketer, cold calling to sell my ideas and opinions. Was I launching a self-promotion campaign? Yes. Is that wrong? No. Most artists complain that they cannot make a living or that they cannot pursue their passions and make a career out of it. They remain unknown and unhappy because their egos are so fragile that they would rather hide behind their canvases than risk being criticized or labeled a bad writer /painter/ musician. Or worse still...a bad person! Some have enough common sense to hire publicity agents and PR people. All I have done is taken the initiative to showcase my work. I am a writer and I hope that people will recognize me as one. If I am not WRITING then I how can I present myself as a writer. I am proud to be a writer. I am proud of my inclination towards the spiritual life. I am unashamed of the events in my past and my moral stand on things today. I have the right to say what I choose and if people think that is shouting, so be it. I have a big voice and I will use it. The impact of the email was greater because the person who wrote it was someone whom I held in high esteem. Someone who appeared to be extremely intelligent, liberal, tolerant, affectionate, open-minded and kind. Certainly not someone to knock down freedom of expression. I was surprised at this person’s judgementalness. I confided to a friend about this and she told me not to get unduly disturbed by the remark. She told me that as a writer I have to know that not everyone will agree with me and that I will encounter people who will whack me down hard. As painters and actors will know, there are more critics out there than fans. This is the first time it has occurred to me that by committing my thoughts to paper and making the decision to publish it, I have sacrificed my right to always be seen as a ‘nice person’. I have given up my right to a quiet existence of peace and goodwill. The pen is mightier than the sword. I will inevitable end up saying things that might make some people hate me. It dawned on me today that if I want to keep writing…….and writing honestly, telling the truth as I see it, it means I have to give up the privilege of being liked by everybody.